At my son’s soccer practice, they have this evil plot to make money via the enticing combo of children and vending machines. In case that scheme fails, they have candy dispensers right next to the vending machines. For a mere quarter you can make all your child’s dreams come true… And you can bet the elementary school crowd is crawling all over those machines.
Last week, I caved and let my five-year-old son get M&Ms. (We don’t need to talk about the fact that it was 6 p.m. and we were heading home to eat dinner afterwards.) As we were sitting there, he began to separate his M&Ms into teams. As he placed the different colors in different spots on the imaginary field, I began to pluck up the ones on the periphery and eat them. ”Hey!” my son objected. ”Outliers get eaten.” I explained. At first he found this little game funny, but as I continued to steal his candy right out from under him, it dawned on him. ”Stop! This isn’t fair!” And he’s right. It’s totally not fair; I let him get candy, only to pluck it right out from under his fingers.
In truth, I’ve been stealing my kid’s candy for years. I’m just normally more subtle about it. They come home with tons of it on every single holiday, so they never really notice. And to be honest, I’ve long felt that I’m doing them a favor. I’m probably a bad mommy for one hundred other reasons, but I firmly believe that stealing my kid’s candy makes me a good mom. Here’s why:
1. Candy is tasty, and makes me happy. Happy mom=happy kids
2. Childhood Diabetes is a very serious problem. Limiting junk food and sugar helps to combat type II diabetes.
3. Childhood obesity is another very serious problem, and no one wants to wish that on their children.
4. Denying children candy (or limiting candy) helps to prevent cavities and a whole host of dental problems. Poor dental hygiene can even kill people. Never mind that only happens about .000000000000000000000001 % of the time, good dental health is important.
5. It teaches them about modern economics, taxes, and the redistribution of wealth, but using language they understand.
6. It teaches them the cold hard facts about life. Outliers really do get eaten, and life really isn’t fair. The Lord giveth, but he taketh away as well.
7. It shows them how to share, whether they like it or not. And it’s reciprocity that makes the world go round.
I think that about wraps this post up. Life lessons from candy, you read it here first. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a small stash of Easter chocolates that are calling my name…