Dr Seuss is My Homeboy

According to Google, my real expertise is spouse torture.  I find this rather ridiculous since my husband is thrilled to be married to me.  Obviously.  It’s so much sarcasm all the time.  Plus, I cook a mean dish of macaroni and cheese.  That’s right people.  I don’t just have mad eating skillz; I also have mad cooking skillz.

The other thing that really should be added to my awesomeness roster is my birthday.  I have the best birthday ever.  Only people who are really super talented, creative, and/or good-looking are allowed to share my birthday.

For evidence, I present the following:

Daniel Craig

Daniel Craig.  Do I even need a caption?  He’s James Bond. (Photo credit: Arabani)

The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 1957

My kids love it that I share a birthday with Dr. Suess! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thank You For Loving Me

Jon Bon Jovi. Where would pop music be without Bon Jovi? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Coldplay: Jonny Buckland, Will Champi...

Chris Martin of Coldplay (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Desi Arnaz

Desi Arnaz of “I Love Lucy” (Photo Credit: Wikipedia)

Lou Reed

Because he’s Lou Reed, that’s why. (Photo credit: Man Alive!)

Bryce Dallas Howard participating in a Termina...

Bryce Howard. She’s a really good actress, but I refuse to acknowledge her middle name. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

adidas miCoach Reggie Bush

Reggie Bush. This was added for football fans.  The only football I watch stars Mark Sanchez, and really has little to do with football. (Photo credit: adifansnet)

Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsbrgh Steelers d...

Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers. I kinda hope I spelled his last name wrong. He is not as awesome as the rest of this list. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Author Tom Wolfe participates in the White Hou...

And last, but certainly not least, author Tom Wolfe (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My hubby is so jealous of this list.  He tries to compete, but it’s impossible.  His list of birthday buddies is as follows:

English: Sam Waterston at a ceremony in Januar...

Sam Waterston from “Law and Order” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Deutsch: Sänger Chad Kroeger vor dem Stuttgart...

Lead singer of Nickelback, Chad Kroeger (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

That’s it.  That’s the whole list.  His birthday buddies are from law and Order and Nickelback.  Being the sensitive soul that I am, this makes me laugh uproariously giggle quietly into the crook of my arm.  My husband tries to skirt the issue.  He tries to pretend like it’s super-exciting that Chad Kroeger is his birthday buddy, but we both know the truth.

Imagine you’re running in a half-marathon, and you have Coldplay, Lou Reed, and Bon Jovi playing the whole time.  “Oh, halfway there… Oh, oh, living on a prayer…”  You cross the finish line.  Triumphant!

Now imagine a playlist of Nickelback.  You’re trying to run, but dammit your thigh muscles are feeling tight, your knee aches, and you’re thirsty.  “This is how you remind me of what I really am.  This is how you remind me of what I really am.”  Suddenly, you’re depressed.  Running is just way too exhausting.  You decide to lay down on the ground and take a nap instead.

If only you got to have kickass birthday buddies like your wife…  Oh, well, guess you can’t have everything…  Happy Birthday Honey!

And an extra special Happy Birthday to that Canadian treasure, Chad Kroeger!

*Yes, this is how we operate in our house.  And yes, I’m expecting coal in my stocking this Christmas.

** Also I exaggerated about the Jets.  When the Jets are having a good season, even I get into it.

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56 Responses to Dr Seuss is My Homeboy

  1. Queen Elizabeth is my birthday buddy–I am expecting an invite to tea any day now.

  2. El Guapo says:

    Happy birthday, Mr Lunchmeat!

    Pretty sure Sam and Chad cite sharing having a birthday on the same date as you to elevate their stature!

  3. Sofia Leo says:

    That’s an impressive BB list you’ve got there!

  4. Carrie Rubin says:

    You had me at Daniel Craig…

  5. Me and Buster Keaton share a birthday and the same wide range of emotions.

  6. Was there something else in this post besides Daniel Craig? My brain didn’t register.
    Oh wait, yes Happy Birthday Mr. Lunchmeat. I am sorry that Canada ruined your special day. If it’s any consolation, we don’t regard Kroger’s day as a special holiday or anything. Instead we go about our lives ignoring him hard, as usual.

    • Ha! I was thinking of you and your hatred of Nickelback while writing this post.

      And you should have seen the picture of Daniel Craig I didn’t include, the one of him in a Speedo… Oh, just google it!

  7. goldfish says:

    Dr. Seuss is amazing. I’m jealous, too. My fellow birthdayers are Grand Duchess Alexandra Nikolaevna of Russia, Ambrose Bierce, Fred Hoyle (the cosmologist who proposed the steady-state universe theory), Ranasinghe Premadasa (former president of Sri Lanka), Mick Fleetwood and Peter Weller. I’d trade alla that for Dr. Seuss.

    • It’s funny how often obscure royalty comes up when you google your birthday… My kids really do love it that I share a birthday with Dr. Suess. They celebrate his birthday at school, and then come home and celebrate mine… Mad amounts of sugar!

  8. My Birthday buddies include John Travolta, Molly Ringwald, Matt Dillon, George Kennedy and Cybil Sheppard. In other words, some righteous badasses. Mr. Thecheekydiva? Bob Saget and Whip Hubley. Who the hell is Whip Hubley? No comparison. Lame-o Birthday buds fer sher.

    • Ha! Your hubby has the exact same problem as mine. You’re probably nicer about it though; I bring up Chad Kroeger as often as possible just to torture mine.

      • That’s just too funny. I’m not nicer than you. There were a couple badasses on his list, I just failed to mention them, because no one comes close to Jack Palance. On the other side of the coin, Mr Cheeky has a time or two reminded me that I also share a birthday with Yoko Ono, now that’s almost as sucktastic as Web Hubley. Hope Mr. Lunchmeat had an awesome birthday. :-)

  9. speaker7 says:

    Yay! Chad Kroger! So awesome! He’s sooo….yeah, I can’t fake it. Sorry, he sucks. Happy birthday to the hubby

  10. oohhh, what a sweet post! Happy Birthday to your hubby! And yes, having Bon Jovi on the list seals the deal!

  11. Lily says:

    That’s pretty rad! You have some good birthday buddies! Except didn’t Desi Arnaz beat up Lucy? I swear he did. I like that you don’t recognize Bryce Howard’s middle name. It’s so showy to be known by your full name. It’s like, just have two names!
    The only people that share a birthday with me are Kate Winslet, Jesse Eisenberg (bleh) and Nicky Hilton.

    • He was definitely a cheater, but I’m not sure about being a wife-beater… And there’s a pretty big distinction between the two, for me at least.

      Kate Winslet is awesome; my husband would die of happiness if he shared a birthday with her.

  12. God, that’s just…terrible. Your poor hubby! And I had no idea they sang that song “this is how you remind me..” grrr…it’s stuck in my head now. Die Nickelback! Die!

    ok, I feel better now. Happy birthday to your husband. Tell him my bday buddies are Bob Newhart and Raquel Welch. Quite the combo there, huh.

  13. Peaches says:

    I remember checking who had the same birthday as me once and being sort of impressed…I just can’t remember who impressed me…

  14. You remembered your husband’s birthday? Woot. The whole family forgot my husband’s. His fortieth. In our defense, I’d had pneumonia, Leah had the strep experience aided by incompetent doctors and pharmacists (see my post today on Black Box Warnings), etc. But still, I felt somewhat bad especially when he bought his own cake and ice cream and we were still looking at him like “what?” OMG.

    • My grandfather died on my father’s birthday when I was sixteen. We didn’t really celebrate his birthday that year. I don’t know if my mom just didn’t have the energy, or if my dad didn’t want to celebrate it. I can’t believe your husband went out and bought his own cake and ice cream. That’s actually all sorts of awesome!

      My husband had the worst birthday ever. He spent three hours waiting to take a continuing ed exam, but they couldn’t get the computer system working. Then he got a nasty e-mail from the lawyer for the house we’re supposed to be buying… Then he had a late work meeting, which was followed by parent teacher conferences. And then we got a letter for some sort of car inspection violation in the mail, threatening arrest if we don’t pay it. Chad Kroeger is officially the least of his worries. I wish I could have made it better, but all of this stuff is totally outside my control.

      And I need to go check out BBW now.

  15. La La says:

    Oh my god, you have the best birthday friends and his are awful. Love it. Happy birthday, Mr. Lunchmeat…and many more! I am starting a Nickelback cover band of hate called Picklesnack. You’re welcome to join.

    Also…as an Howard insider, I’d hate to have the middle name of where I was conceived because mine would be like “by accident, in the backyard.”

  16. Ericka Clay says:

    “You decide to lay down on the ground and take a nap instead.” Hey, that’s how I run!

    And happy birthday to Chad Kroeger’s birthday companion!

  17. My birthday sharers are Errol Flynn and Lionel Ritchie and Nicole Kidman and Paulo Bento (same nationality too, lol), as well as (reaaaaally oddly) my brother in law…

  18. Haha! This is so awesome! I share a birthday with Condoleeza Rice, Prince Charles, and Claude Monet. Interesting mix, amirite?

    Your poor husband with his lame birthday. Lol!

  19. I bagged Oliver Hardy and Danny Kaye… I think that’s pretty cool but yours may be cooler… dammit….

  20. Liverwurst says:

    Yeah, but your birthday bud and his are not equivalent lists. His birthday buddy was born on his birthday, in his birth year. He’s almost an honorary member of Nickelback. You know, like the chicks that play the cowbell or other odd precussion incident while lurking behind the vocalist.

  21. iRuniBreathe says:

    Love & Lunchmeat, you’ve got it made. MADE!! I was so ready to Google to find out who shares my birthday when I saw James (Bond, of course), *THE* Theodore Geisl, and Lou Reed. I was even excited when I scrolled down to see Ms. Howard, but to me it sounds like she has two boy names, but whatever.
    And then I got to your husband’s deets. I (heart) Law and Order, but I’m also Canadian. I can shamefully admit that Mr. Nickelburden is part of our land, and it’s sad. I don’t want to know bad or sad news. I’m now scared to Google. It’s avoidance, or I’m changing my birthday for more favorable results.

    • IYou should definitely change your birthday to March 2nd. It’s almost as good as sharing your birthday with a superhero. Wait… Superheroes do have birthdays, right?

      It’s alright. I don’t blame you for Nickelback or that cold Canadian weather.

      • iRuniBreathe says:

        Naturally superheros have birthdays. How else did they get born?
        Thank you for relinquishing responsibility for Chad and his boys. I also live on the west coast so while I complain about the wet and the cold, we actually have the balmiest weather in all of Canada here. The rest of the country can do what it likes.

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