According to Google, my real expertise is spouse torture. I find this rather ridiculous since my husband is thrilled to be married to me. Obviously. It’s so much sarcasm all the time. Plus, I cook a mean dish of macaroni and cheese. That’s right people. I don’t just have mad eating skillz; I also have mad cooking skillz.
The other thing that really should be added to my awesomeness roster is my birthday. I have the best birthday ever. Only people who are really super talented, creative, and/or good-looking are allowed to share my birthday.
For evidence, I present the following:
My hubby is so jealous of this list. He tries to compete, but it’s impossible. His list of birthday buddies is as follows:
That’s it. That’s the whole list. His birthday buddies are from law and Order and Nickelback. Being the sensitive soul that I am, this makes me
laugh uproariously giggle quietly into the crook of my arm. My husband tries to skirt the issue. He tries to pretend like it’s super-exciting that Chad Kroeger is his birthday buddy, but we both know the truth.
Imagine you’re running in a half-marathon, and you have Coldplay, Lou Reed, and Bon Jovi playing the whole time. “Oh, halfway there… Oh, oh, living on a prayer…” You cross the finish line. Triumphant!
Now imagine a playlist of Nickelback. You’re trying to run, but dammit your thigh muscles are feeling tight, your knee aches, and you’re thirsty. “This is how you remind me of what I really am. This is how you remind me of what I really am.” Suddenly, you’re depressed. Running is just way too exhausting. You decide to lay down on the ground and take a nap instead.
If only you got to have kickass birthday buddies like your wife… Oh, well, guess you can’t have everything… Happy Birthday Honey!
And an extra special Happy Birthday to that Canadian treasure, Chad Kroeger!
*Yes, this is how we operate in our house. And yes, I’m expecting coal in my stocking this Christmas.
** Also I exaggerated about the Jets. When the Jets are having a good season, even I get into it.