Toddlers Are Tyrants and Slap Bracelet Math

Do not be fooled by her huge blue eyes. She is the world’s most adorable tyrant.*

I have been meaning to write this post for a while.  However, the defacement of public property takes time and proper planning.  Also, once my daughter got her mitts on these slap bracelets, she was intent on keeping them all for herself.  She is currently going through a phase. To make a long explanation short… she’s becoming a tyrant.

Her favorite persons to terrorize are her older brothers.  They will do anything, just to avoid her screaming.  She tells them to hold out their arms, and then proceeds to punch their arms.  Repeatedly.  And they let her.  (Sidenote: We are really trying to crack down on this particular behavior.)  Big blue eyes, loud laughter, and an infectious smile apparently go a long way, even with siblings.  From time to time they fight over toys, but most of the time, toddler math prevails.

For those unfamiliar with toddler math, this is how toddler math works.  Toddler gets… everything.  Everyone else gets… nothing.  Possession is one hundred percent of the law with toddlers, and compromise is out of the question.

Jules from Go Jules Go generously sent four slap bracelets.  However, all four slap bracelets quickly became the property of one three-year-old… And the bracelets were only allowed to go exactly where she wanted them.  Generally, she wanted them either on herself or on her toys, but she also liked to use them to decorate our kitchen chairs.  From time to time she’d order one of her brothers to wear one (briefly) before demanding it back.

What toy doesn’t look better with pink slap bracelets?

Every house has a naked doll somewhere…

How sad does our dog look? I don’t think he realizes how handsome he looks in pink…

I swear it was the grandparents who bought the Mustang. (If I were to buy a Mustang, it wouldn’t be for the kids.)

For those unfamiliar with toddlers, if Jules had sent 246 slap bracelets, all 246 would be the property of said toddler.  For a brief period she was even sleeping in slap bracelets.  Then she abruptly decided she was done with them, and cast them aside.  Slap bracelets are now dead to her… which is awesome because now I get to use them for all sorts of mischief!  Finally!

Jules, sorry I was too lazy to cook the real thing.

Stylists, take note!

Please tell me at least a couple of you recognize this dude…

In conclusion, Jules is clearly onto something…  Even the politicians are hopping onboard!  Not kidding.  CLICK THIS LINK!  And I hear they’re also big fans of toddler logic…  No worries.  I’m not hating on one candidate of the other.  I love both candidates equally…

P.S. My apologies for the recent comment delays.  Comments are usually my favorite part, but we went out of town both last weekend and the weekend before…  More on that some other time.

P.P.S. Tell me what you think of the recent site overhaul.  Lie if you must.

*I’m not prejudiced about my daughter.  Other people think their kids are cute, but only because they haven’t seen mine.  Obviously.

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30 Responses to Toddlers Are Tyrants and Slap Bracelet Math

  1. Peaches says:

    Too cute! I used to love slap bracelets. Well, my friends bracelets because my parents didn’t want to get them for me. My school banned them growing up though because slap bracelets used to be much more brutal. Kids got bruises.

    Apparently bruises were horrible, but skinned knees from the playground equipment was okay.

    • You know… I seem to have blanked out huge chunks of my childhood. Sadly that includes slap bracelets. I can only imagine that principals would all die of heart attacks if slap bracelets were re-insituted.

  2. La La says:

    That is a Mitt Romney slap bracelet, and now I can die peacefully.

    Also, love the dog’s sarcastic look (that I made up in my head) that is basically asking….Really?

  3. Carrie Rubin says:

    Ahh, the egocentrism of toddlers. It’s lovely, isn’t it?

    The dog picture was great. As were your slap bracelet antics. :)

    • Love and Lunchmeat says:

      Oh, yes… And she’s so cute. Even when she’s being horrible it’s hard to discipline her… I don’t think anyone realizes just how strange you look when you start accessorizing and taking pictures of the store mannequins! I tried to go fast and pretend like what I was doing was perfectly normal, but…

      • Carrie Rubin says:

        I once took a picture of a pinhead manequin to use on my blog, so I know exactly how you feel.

        • I had to look that up since I couldn’t remember ever seeing one… My grandma and my mom both used a big cloth tomato for their pins. They didn’t pass their sewing skills to me… or their ironing skills… or their… Yeah, it’s too long of a list to even go there. :)

  4. speaker7 says:

    Yes, I am very familiar with toddler math. And also toddler government. That is when said toddler is the dictator and everyone else bows to his wishes. Cookies for dinner? No honey…oh, okay, yes I guess you are throwing everything off the table onto the floor…um…how ’bout cookies for dinner?

  5. amb says:

    I am loving this site overhaul! Not that I didn’t love your site before … but I have to say, I’m a big fan of this lovely blue background. And this layout. You’re mighty easy on the eyes here L&L! ;-) (Sorry, it’s past my bedtime. Can you tell?)

    And ps your tiny tyrant is ADORABLE!

    • Thanks Amb! The background was actually my husband’s idea; I’m infamous for doodle swirls, and even had this exact design on my wedding cake ten years ago. So, he suggested doodling, and then taking a picture of it. And then I noticed that this theme allows me to put lots of stuff at the bottom which keeps things cleaner on top. I love it, even if no one else cares.

      And thanks! She really is a doll, even though she’s currently going through a phase that requires earplugs!

      • amb says:

        No way! Now I love it even more! Totally personalized and unique to you – how cool is that???

        • Love and Lunchmeat says:

          Thanks! Yeah, he definitely had a great idea, and I wouldn’t have thought of it! Now, if only I could find our wedding album and a picture of that cake…

  6. Your toddler is both incredibly adorable and lucky that she is the sole ruler of the universe. In our house every day is Lord of the Flies, except without the rudimentary societal organization. It’s just a flat out grab for resources all day every day.

    • Love and Lunchmeat says:

      I’ve never heard anyone compare parenting to Lord of the Flies before, but you’re totally right! And my sister-in-law said the same thing about her twins when they were younger! Thankfully, they seem to have come out of that phase, and they’re both alive. It might be different for boys though. You might need to pick a favorite, and concentrate all of your resources on just that one.

      Kidding, other people who might be reading this, kidding. Mostly.

  7. I like the overhaul very much. I dig the wallpaper. And you may be biased but your kids are actually adorable. But the slap bracelet thing—what the hell are slap bracelets? I can totally see the point of Toddler Math, though. I use Toddler Math myself when it comes to things like french fries and candy bars.

    • A solid point. I use toddler math when it comes to pumpkin donuts. (The only thing that stops me from eating an entire box of pumpkin munchkins is pants math.) And thanks on both the wallpaper and the kids! I must give credit where credit is due though as my husband is partially responsible for both the kids and the wallpaper. (It was entirely his idea to use one of my doodles as a blog background.)

  8. Go Jules Go says:

    *gasp* Well what a LOVELY post for a LOVELY looking site, my my my…

    Gawd I’d let her punch me right in the face. And the dog? I want to frame that and hang it in my craft room next to my Second Hub poster.

    But I’m really pretty ticked Mittens stole my #2 campaign strategy (Uncle Jesse is #1).

    And I’m still not sure I forgive you re: the bacon bits. …Okay. I just looked at your daughter again. Forgiven. And, I should add, YOU ARE AWESOME.

    • Thanks Jules! I’ve changed my site around before… but this is the first time I actually liked it enough to keep the changes.

      Yeah, I can’t blame you for being ticked, but now you know who all those watchers are who never say anything… One is probably Mitt. Another is probably a campaign strategist for Obama. Why I bet if you were able to figure out who each person was, you’d even find out that David Hasselhoff is a loyal watcher.

      Okay, I might just be sleep-deprived and making all of this up, but Uncle Jesse is the perfect dog to take with you on the campaign trail. Cute and won’t take up too much space in your luggage.

  9. love your perspective on that slap bracelet! =>

  10. Dear L&L,
    A. I ADORE the new digs.
    2. These photos were HEE-larious.
    *chuckle chuckle giggle
    Love, L
    xoxox

  11. Ah, yes, the lovely days of toddler math. Strange how my kids aren’t toddlers anymore yet the math has stuck with them all these years…cute kids and SUPER cute slap bracelets from one of the coolest bloggers around, Miss Jules. Love the photo of the dog, too.

    • Love and Lunchmeat says:

      You know there are a few bloggers who are so cool that their blogs are almost always a comment party! And it really does add to the fun of blogging, although I have no idea how people dream up the contests they dream up! Yeah, I think toddler math extends for awhile… but I see my six-year-old, and he really has gotten more and more aware of the existence of other people and their needs.

  12. Lily says:

    Slap bracelets are really magical things. I think I love your daughter. Actually, no. I KNOW I love your daughter. She’s awesome. I wonder if she would share he bracelets with moi?

    • Love and Lunchmeat says:

      She’d probably lend them to you for a minute or two, right before she punched you and demanded juice. Then after she got her juice she’d smile sweetly at you… right before she demanded stickers.

      All of which is why I demand a well-stocked liquor cabinet…

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