I haven’t started clinicals yet. So, I currently have Thursdays free until the munchkins come home from school. That means I have about six hours to fritter away doing nothing, but today I figured I’d be useful for a change.
(This is actually a lie, but when people ask me what I do, I love giving the “Office Space” answer. “I do nothing, and it’s everything I ever thought it would be.” Now that I’m going to school full-time, I’m probably going to need to revise this answer. If you are also a SAHM, you know this answer was always bullshit, but you also know that there are plenty of people who think it… Coming from me it’s obviously a joke; I’m well aware that being a parent of young children is glorified slave labor.)
Anyway, I head off to the gym, which is conveniently located right next to that other place I always go… our local price club. As I’m tossing giant boxes of cereal into the cart, I hear the following announcement over the loudspeakers. “Calling all adult shoppers, there is a giveaway over by aisle 23. If you are a card member and an adult, we are having a giveaway for our adult customers.”
This same message plays over the loudspeakers several times. Normally the product rep tells you what the product is from the get-go,which piqued my curiosity. Also, why did they keep saying it was for adult customers? Are there a lot of twelve-year-olds who shop at the price club or could it be… ? Regardless, who doesn’t like free stuff? So I head over to aisle 23 where I see the following display.
I happen to have a real soft spot for men in suits, particularly headless men in suits. (They’re far less sassy.) In fact, I don’t think it’s just me. Here is the cover photo from a book whose author is making a whole heap of money, regardless of “talent”.
Now I’m hooked. My curiosity will not be sated until I find out the identity of the mystery product. I stand there twiddling my thumbs and wait for the demonstration. Eight other women are also standing there. First, the demonstrator asks us why we’re there. Most of us admit we’re there solely out of curiosity. Her first giveaway is a special cloth to clean glasses with. Okay, whatever. She had already implied there were other goodies to come.
Her second product is….
Wait for it….
A lint roller… For twenty-nine dollars, we could buy a medium lint roller, a purse-size lint roller, and a giant lint roller for cleaning our house. In fairness, it did supposedly come with a lifetime warranty. Theoretically, I could clean my house with a giant lint roller for the rest of my fucking life.
Did I say I like free stuff? Never mind. First of all, I like free stuff when it’s actually free. Secondly, I only like free stuff when it does not involve housecleaning.
Scratch that. If it involves other people cleaning my house, then I’m all in. Otherwise, it’s basically just another twenty minutes of my life that I’ll never get back. On the plus side, at least I won’t be left wondering about the identity of the mystery product.