I haven’t started clinicals yet. So, I currently have Thursdays free until the munchkins come home from school. That means I have about six hours to fritter away doing nothing, but today I figured I’d be useful for a change.
(This is actually a lie, but when people ask me what I do, I love giving the “Office Space” answer. ”I do nothing, and it’s everything I ever thought it would be.” Now that I’m going to school full-time, I’m probably going to need to revise this answer. If you are also a SAHM, you know this answer was always bullshit, but you also know that there are plenty of people who think it… Coming from me it’s obviously a joke; I’m well aware that being a parent of young children is glorified slave labor.)
Anyway, I head off to the gym, which is conveniently located right next to that other place I always go… our local price club. As I’m tossing giant boxes of cereal into the cart, I hear the following announcement over the loudspeakers. ”Calling all adult shoppers, there is a giveaway over by aisle 23. If you are a card member and an adult, we are having a giveaway for our adult customers.”
This same message plays over the loudspeakers several times. Normally the product rep tells you what the product is from the get-go,which piqued my curiosity. Also, why did they keep saying it was for adult customers? Are there a lot of twelve-year-olds who shop at the price club or could it be… ? Regardless, who doesn’t like free stuff? So I head over to aisle 23 where I see the following display.
I happen to have a real soft spot for men in suits, particularly headless men in suits. (They’re far less sassy.) In fact, I don’t think it’s just me. Here is the cover photo from a book whose author is making a whole heap of money, regardless of “talent”.
You gotta give it some credit for catchy cover art…
Now I’m hooked. My curiosity will not be sated until I find out the identity of the mystery product. I stand there twiddling my thumbs and wait for the demonstration. Eight other women are also standing there. First, the demonstrator asks us why we’re there. Most of us admit we’re there solely out of curiosity. Her first giveaway is a special cloth to clean glasses with. Okay, whatever. She had already implied there were other goodies to come.
Her second product is….
Wait for it….
A lint roller… For twenty-nine dollars, we could buy a medium lint roller, a purse-size lint roller, and a giant lint roller for cleaning our house. In fairness, it did supposedly come with a lifetime warranty. Theoretically, I could clean my house with a giant lint roller for the rest of my fucking life.
Did I say I like free stuff? Never mind. First of all, I like free stuff when it’s actually free. Secondly, I only like free stuff when it does not involve housecleaning.
Scratch that. If it involves other people cleaning my house, then I’m all in. Otherwise, it’s basically just another twenty minutes of my life that I’ll never get back. On the plus side, at least I won’t be left wondering about the identity of the mystery product.
Are you sure it wasn’t a butt plug? Could have been a butt plug. Little known fact, butt plugs also are outstanding at picking up lint.
I’m not even going to say why this is probably true. Speaking of squicky…
Wait – are you confirming the lint-capture capabilities of butt plugs?
Yes. The key is you can’t be afraid of germs or colon bacteria. (I should probably warn you as both a student nurse and a parent I have no normal inhibitions when it comes to disgusting conversations…)
Please, go on…
It might not have been a butt plug. I’m putting my money on vaginal balls. Although I’m not certain of their lint picking up ability.
Headless mannequins make the best dinner guests too. I don’t have to cook for them, and they let me listen to heavy metal at the table. So I get it. I’m with you.
Headless mannequins are a remarkably tolerant bunch. You can just sit there drunk, and repeat the same story over and over again, and they don’t even care.
I would prefer a headless Christian Grey.
He’d be so wonderfully quiet… but you know that crazy chick who’s obsessed with him would probably cut if off, and still use it. Or worse, enshrine the thing.
Argh! Suddenly I feel your pain, just thinking about the two of them…
$29 lint rollers, eh? Man. I know where I’m taking my do-nothing self to tomorrow after I load the kids on the school bus. Dig this–glad you came by.
Ha! Well, you are probably quite productive. Me? Not so much, but good for movie quotes!
Even though I rarely run these days, I’ve been coming by for awhile, and absolutely love your posts on running and everything it’s given you beyond the physical.
lol! I love this! Gotta find me a freebie!
Free housecleaning products? Ugh… Please kill me now.
Wow, they sure suckered people in for that one, didn’t they? And they didn’t even offer a wine sample…
I know. I felt like quite the fool. If they had given me wine I could at least try to forget the whole experience…
the clever thing would have been to call everyone over for the not so great product, but have the meeting right next to the really great product that was not on sale.
That would have been clever, but I have to give it up for their name. Mr. Sticky. Simple, effective, and catchy. It’s just really too bad it’s shrouded in… housecleaning.
Mr. Sticky? And they got you over there with a 50 Shades reference? I don’t even . . .
One time, when a friend and I went to Vegas, they were giving away goodie bags of adult toys worth over $150. And my friend was dying to win a we vibe, but we ended up not winning. I thought it would be like that…
That’s so weird. What did that book have to do with cleaning products? I’m pretty sure those aren’t used. Now riding equipment might have worked.
It just reminded me of the book because of the dude in the suit. It really is a catchy cover, bad everything else be damned. (And this from someone who fully admits to enjoying Harlequinn romances!)
Yeah, I think the tie is the only thing I like about the book.
I go on shopping binges. I usually love to stay out of stores, but a few times a year (most conspicuously, the day after Thanksgiving) I go crazy. Costco is a favorite during these times. I’ll come home, with like, a seven-foot tall yard gnome of something. =/
Ha! Everyone should come home with a giant yard gnome the day after Thanksgiving!
I’ll stay out of the conversation about sex toys and eating meals with mannequins. I will say this, I have never been a fan of double breasted suits, I find a regular jacket has a much more clean and less stuffy look. That was the first thing I noticed about the picture, what type of suit it was. Well… that and the corn flakes in the background…
Meals taste better when you’re sitting next to a mannequin… Probably wise to stay out of the other conversation. I may have to edit my comments so that everything that happened in Vegas stays there.
For the suits, I never have any idea what works so my husband usually buys his own stuff!
The old bait and switch…
Yep, exactly!
I was at BJ’s this weekend and heard this over the intercom! Glad I already knew what the freebies were. No need to get crazy and curious
- aubrey http://my-little-happies.com/
I know. They totally sucked me in with their mysterious thing…