Reasons You Want Me On Your Team During the Zombie Apocalypse

*This post is actually Part 1 of an awards post.  I know.  I know.  However, it’s also your opportunity to vote for me in Le Clown’s stupid blogroll contest… and to nominate yourself for my Zombie Apocalypse Team!

First of all, I must get the official speech out of the way…

Thank you very much to Peaches of A Lateral Plunge for The Very Inspiring Blog award and Sophia from Four Doodles and a Taco for the One Lovely Blog Award.  Quite honestly, I’m pleased that anyone comes here.  I love writing my blog (and strongly suspect I would keep writing it even if I only had three watchers), but it’s awesome that a few other people like it too.  I know some people hate awards for their chain-letterish quality, but I secretly like them.  I have a bunch of favorite blogs, and I’m more than happy to point readers their way!

Plus, it allows all of my lucky readers to learn even more things about me that they don’t want to know!  However, instead of presenting the usual seven things about myself, I present the following:

Reasons You Want Me On Your Team During the Zombie Apocalypse

1. It’s extremely difficult to gross me out.  I’ve dissected sheep brains, several frogs, eyeballs, and a heart.  In fact, my brother-in-law and I have been known to discuss frog ovum at the family dinner table.  (Sidenote: Other family members really appreciate this.)  I present this as a skill because cleaning up zombie brains can be quite messy, or so I’m told.

2. I’m brave, especially in the presence of spiders and other insects that are less than a millionth of my size.  Some would argue that I’m fearless to the point of stupid, but for the purpose of this blog, we shall refer to me solely as brave.

3. I’m not afraid to eat canned goods or nitrates.  In fact, I’m quite fearless when it comes to bacon.  Also, I’m told I’m a pretty good cook (which is a legitimate life skill).

4. I’m innovative, and good at problem-solving.  For example, I’ve been known to use socks when mittens weren’t available.  This may or may not be due to me forgetting things, and then needing to improvise.  Nonetheless, I’m an innovator.

5. I have serious “skillz” with firearms.  I didn’t discover this until several months ago, but not only do you want me on your team, you probably want me holding a gun.  (When one is bragging, skills always become skillz, right?)

That was my 25 yard target. (They’re not all bulls-eyes, but they are all kill shots.)

6. I used to work as a reference librarian in government documents.  That means I know things.

7. As long as I’m given regular injections of caffeine, I’m fairly amiable.  (Sidenote: Please stick with coffee like substances.  Injecting carbonated beverages into the bloodstream is not just dangerous, it’s deadly.)

Alright, that’s quite enough about me.  Now is your opportunity to tell me something about yourself.  Why should I want YOU on my Zombie Apocalypse Team?

Stay tuned for the nominations, which will be coming in Part 2!

*For those who might be concerned, we take gun safety very seriously, and always properly secure firearms.

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48 Responses to Reasons You Want Me On Your Team During the Zombie Apocalypse

  1. Nikki Wood says:

    You had me sold on the “not being afraid around spiders” bit.

  2. Dang, girl. I would definitely want you on my Zombie Apocalypse Team. However, I am not nearly as resourceful and I’m much more easily grossed out. I don’t know that I’d be the best asset on a ZAT. I’m afraid I’d end up as zombie bait.

  3. sagescenery says:

    You won’t want me on your team at all…but you would want my almost-22-year-old son…he’s talked incessantly about the Zombie Apocalypse since way before all the gory details, like people eating other people’s faces, were mentioned in legitimate news reports!

    I think he shares your skillz!!!!

  4. amb says:

    Me! Pick me! I want to be on your Zombie Apocalypse team!! I have zero sense of direction and would get us lost within 5 minutes of the zombies knocking out our GPS system … but I remember most of the words to most of the songs I’ve ever listened to, so I could create a playlist that would chill those zombies right out.

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  6. I like no. 5! Like, like, like it so!

    • Thanks! Shooting ended up being so much fun… I can see why people do it now!

      • colby says:

        shootings fun and with my eyes im surprised i can shoot as good as i can, (hunter safety class, the only reason i took it was because my grandpa kept saying something about another way to identify me? does he plan on me dying in the mountains?, but i actually beat my brother at, well, everything, including target practice. Savage Mark II F .22 LR Rifle is supposed to be the most accurate rifle out there) but you don’t want to shoot a zombie, you attract the hord.
        If you’re still looking for people, count me in, i match your list except one, i worked for a library as a library assistant and have an eidetic memory (photographic) meaning, once told something i don’t forget, i can read something and tell you what it said after 4 years, give me that how to survive a zombie Apocalypse guide and i will be the walking guide.
        im also on the apathetic side so if somebody gets bit i can put them down. sorry before hand.
        oh i lied, give me that cup’o cherry coke and im happy, screw the coffee

        who else thinks we need a zombie apocalypse, start a government from scratch?

  7. Brother Jon says:

    I think I would be good for your Zombie Apocalypse team cause I’ve got a little bit of a weight problem. You know what that means? That’s right, you got someone you can out run. You always need that on a team. Did you see the walking dead where Shane sacrificed the fatty?

  8. Pick me! Pick me! I am pretty sure we’d make a badass team. I can shoot guns and keep bees. And dig a truck out of a hole with a dead cow.

  9. andrewelizabeth says:

    Sadly, I would be better suited for team zombie. I have an innate talent for eating human brains as daintily as one would lick raspberry puree out of a bowl.

  10. Andrew says:

    I challenge thee to a nitrate contest!

  11. You are really useful! Glad we make a team!
    I’m certainly doing a post on this as well, if I’m allowed to steal your idea this time ;).

  12. El Guapo says:

    I have to ask – did you deliberately wear the cool leather jacket to the range just for the picture it would make?

    • No, I’m not that much of a planner. If I were planning it, I would have done like my friend Liz did and worn a skirt. The pictures of her shooting at Quantico are seriously hot. (Also, she’s probably reading this, and I’m trying to convince her to start writing a blog and/or guest blog on here. So, I figure a few compliments can’t hurt…)

      • andrewelizabeth says:

        I agree, I really should start writing a blog myself. How else would I share my exciting research on serial killers, and aliens, and alien serial killers…. and serial alien killers. And also cheesecake recipes.

        • Ah ha!!!! You are stalking my blog a lot these days. Yay!! If starting your own is too much work, you can always guest post here…

          • AndrewElizabeth says:

            Hmmm….my other half is very good at impersonating me….I do like aliens an awful lot. (They like me equally well, or so I’ve been told.) But yes, I think both of us are enjoying stalking your blog. It is a good place to be strange. I will be back!

      • AndrewElizabeth says:

        The compliments don’t hurt at all…keep ‘em coming! And if I get to chase zombies while screaming maniacally (I do get to scream maniacally, right?), then I am IN for the Zombie Apocalyse!

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  14. I want to be on the Zombie Apocalypse Team! Because I want to be on any team for random reasons! For instance, a French Clown’s blogroll! Also I am good with exclamation points which make pointy weapons! And I have survived reading and recapping one of the 50 shades books, so I can withstand any zombie-like nauseating boring awful stupid thing you throw at me!

  15. LOL Firstly, congrats… secondly, any girl with a gun is fine by me. I say that because I’m scared of girls with guns :P

  16. Pingback: You only live twice – if you stay with me during a zombie attack… « No Blog Intended

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